Hi all,

Any advice to do on situations like this?

This weekend I went out to a friends birthday dinner which was out at a restaurant. We'd recently gone out to eat for this friends' sisters birthday and everyone in the group paid for themselves. Additionally, during all the other previous times we went out, that I can remember, we all pay for ourselves.

Well this weekend, when the bill came, one of the guests at the table suggested that we all split the bill 6 ways to make things simpler and so that the birthday girl wouldn't have to pay. This was devastating to me and my wallet! I'd looked at the menu before getting to the restaurant and chose one of the cheapest entrees, which was $15.75. With tax and tip I figured my bill would be no more than about $20. I even brought about that amount of cash. The final bill was $300. Split six ways and its $50!!! I sucked it up and paid $50 because I was too embarrassed to say anything, particularly since I only really knew the birthday girl, her husband and her sister. Any advice on what to do in those situations or what to do before the bill comes to avoid those types of situations?

Ay, I've totally been in those situations. Now that i'm working on my own Spending Fast (www.snowballinhawaii.com) I've been telling the host/birthday person what my situation is as soon as I get the invite. I let them know that I'm happy to come celebrate but I either won't be ordering anything, or can only pay for my own share etc. With the idea that the host will speak up at bill time and delegate how the bill should be paid, hopefully saving you a little dignity in the process.

Though I have found that when I tell people that i'm challenging myself to a month/year of no spending and explain why they've been very very receptive.

Sorry,I hope that's some amount of help. It's just a sticky and uncomfortable situation.

-Andi

Hey I've been those situations before also, and I always hate when there is always 1 person in the group that suggest splitting the bill and then everybody goes along with it. So what I usually do is I suggest that everyone pays for themselves as soon as the whole group sits down and I make a joke out of it pointing to one person in the group and saying "I don't want to pay for HER lobster, or hey I know HE can eat alot" and I find that everytime I do that everyone goes along with me because either they think it's funny and don't care which way the bill is seperated, or because they was one of the ones thinking the same thing to begin with. And if you bring it up first you may break the tension that some people already have over it. Just figure out your own creative way to make light of the situation.

It's a tough one but try to remember that it is your money and don't let anyone SPEND your money for you. You could offer to split the birthday person's bill and pay your own and say something to the effect that you aren't drinking and don't want to pay for the bar tab or something like that.

Thanks all for your help! It is very helpful. That for sure will never happen again!

This obviously depends quite a bit on who you're with--how well you know them, your comfort level, the type of restaurant you're in, etc. It's especially uncomfortable when it's someone's birthday and all the guests are expected to split. But, in general, I think it's fine to just be honest and say "I think we should each pay for our own portion." Explain that you just ordered a $7 item but would be happy to split the amount of the birthday girl's/boy's meal. I typically order drinks when I go out, so I always try to be mindful if there's anyone at the table who hasn't ordered a drink, or who has ordered something very small, because I've been there.

In this economy, with so many people losing their jobs or having to cut back, I find it rude for anyone to suggest an equal split. At least, it's insensitive at best to put people on the spot to either pay up or speak up.

After losing my job of 24 years and accepting another that makes much less money and doesn't offer health insurance (less money more expenses), I have absolutely no qualms about saying "That doesn't work for me." If they assume I don't have enough money in my bank account---they might be right.